i’m willing to delete just so i never have to see anything pertaining to astrology again
Guys go look at my new blog wallpaper
I miss winter so much please kill these bugs and let me layer cute outfits and bundle up with blankets at night thank you god bless
Teasing older men is my favorite pastime
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.
police officer: you’re under arrest.
me: im rubber, you’re glue. what bounces off of me sticks to you(:
police officer: fuck
*talks to Internet friends while sitting next to real life friends*
me: hey mom my facebook was recently hacked so if you get any weird posts say idk something about furries just know that it isn’t me
my mom: but ivan these are pictures of you being tied up in a lizard costume
me: nah those guys are really good at photoshop haha
my mom: but thats your room
me: hey mom aren’t you divorced? remember that?
my aesthetic is being thirsty as fuck and blogging my entire life straight into hell
When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??
people who live in glass houses shouldn’t get stoned